7:19 a.m. - 10-04-05
yay for fucked up people!
why am i locked? this is why:

Date: Mon 03 Oct 2005 11:06:54 PM EDT
From: carey
To: nikki
Subject: thanks for making me famous in your online journal

so today i receive a myspace message from a guy saying he reads your diaryland.com journal and that he was so intrigued with your stories, he just HAD to look me up - thanks for using my name continuously in there... really, that's awesome. i can't believe how much private information you write about. even brian's names, your kids' names... no wonder someone printed the shit out to mail to brian - YOU PROVIDE ALL THE NECESSARY INFORMATION. it blows my mind. but now i feel better knowing your accusations about me sending it to brian are even further-fetched... it really could have been ANYONE with internet access... and THAT i find amusing. does brian know you write such personal shit about him for the world to read? man, he must HATE that. or do you lie and deny it to him? poor brian. i can't believe he puts up with your shit - but with your constant threats of suicide, i guess he feels trapped.

after reading this, all i can say is again, you need mental help. seriously, consider it.

i've read several entries, and honestly, i'm in awe with all of your lies or i guess i could call it your interpretation of the truth. it amazes me how i get to you so much when i barely give YOU any thought. i think i will print out all of the entries though and file them for safe-keeping. are you gonna post this email too?

you would THINK, that after your previous experience with your online journal, you would have learned your lesson... so far i haven't figured out how this guy found me on myspace after reading your journal - maybe i'll read further to see if you've given my link. what is your problem??

oh, and this is why:

Date: Mon 03 Oct 2005 11:38:16 PM EDT
From: carey
To: nikki
Subject: i'm sorry

the more i read your journal, the more i see your torment. nikki i am really sorry you hate me so. i promise you on anything i could swear on to make you believe me - i had NOTHING to do with sending that package to brian.

i wish you weren't so sad. i wish you believed me. i told myself that i hate you for blaming me when deep down i thought you really knew i wouldn't do such a terrible thing. but now i'm sitting here feeling so much sadness for you.

nikki, i'm really really sorry about all of the bullshit between us - even the email i sent a few minutes ago. i was angry and when i'm mad i say hurtful things. we both do. but i do honestly think you need to talk to someone... like a counselor or something and i'm NOT saying that to be mean. i went to the archives and started reading at the beginning. i read where you said you initially thought it was me sending the package but the postmarked proved differently, then on to read about your suicide attempt...

i wish i could make you believe me and not hate me and not be so sad. i won't do anything to hurt you anymore - no more mean emails or harsh words. and that is not a confession of any type because i still maintain my innocence. i really think you KNOW it wasn't me - i really do. i wouldn't do something that terrible... i swear on everything. i will leave you alone. and someday i know you will realize that i'm sincere and finally believe it wasn't me. because the truth always shines through in the end.

love carey

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